Updated: Sep 11
Onto the blank canvas must always be the first stroke. Whether in pencil, forming the outlines of the main feature, or a wide stroke of diluted navy that begins what is to become a night sky- the setting. The mood. The background.
Today, I paint you my sky; the background of this new journey onto which I am about to embark, for only in contrast to what has been swirling in my own life, can the true beauty of what I am about to discover be understood.
I rewind in time to February of 2022. My "A Summer Sundae Kinda Love" heart sculpture was newly finished and I was grateful that the exhaustive labor was now complete, yet I knew I had only four months from then to complete 15 new pieces for the "Luxury Adjacent" collection. I equate the feeling to that of a long hike where the first peak is reached only to see the summit yet another steep trail ahead.
This is about the time I received the news of my dad's cancer diagnosis.
I painted furiously (both literally and figuratively) to make the deadline, all while seeing my dad deteriorate at a speed that matched my pace of work, which to those who know my style, is pretty damn fast. It was as if I was living two lives: one creating my dreams in the garage and one living my nightmare in the living room. Needless to say, it's been intense.
No less intense was my trip to LA for the opening in July. Like a newly budding seed, I felt I was springing into new social networks and career potentials that I couldn't have possibly imagined. It was nothing short of a Los Angeles fairytale being painted on the top of dark stormy clouds back at home.
My month in the city came and went and I drove 26 hours back to Kansas City, looking forward to the comforts of home, yet not finding them when I arrived. My father, now unable to stand on his own, has me reconsidering everything I believe to be important. And in this space, I have now erased what I thought I knew about what I need to be happy, what I want to say to the world, and how I want to say it. In this space, I have found my blank canvas; the place of nothingness where every potential exists.
This is my first stroke. The background. The night sky upon which my fairytale- my new voice, my new expression- now shall be painted.