Love or Not Love

I've always taken my name, Trew Love, very seriously. The story behind it can explain why.


Back in 2012, I was wandering (drunkenly with my best friend) on the streets of Hollywood Boulevard. It'd been a long and fun night and the most interesting part was just upon us. We struck a conversation up with some fellows passing by and they invited us back to their recording studio.


Now I know what you're thinking... this doesn't sound good. But alas, it was quite the opposite. One of the guys had a concept to do a reality show about how to manufacture any kind of pop star out there by using this one simple strategy.


He was a professional at pop star marketing.


(While I was absolutely fascinated, I'm sure Hollywood may have other opinions about revealing their secrets on how to create a life of smoke and mirrors to the general public.)


He asked what my artist name was which at the time was Lady Aries... or it had been in the Myspace days but died along with the whole platform. I was in between names. He asked my last name. Trewolla. How about Trew?


I sat on it for a while. It didn't click, but it made sense. It was original and literally has my name in it.


So why didn't it feel right?


I wondered, I pondered, I meditated. Finally, during meditation it came to me. "Trew is short for Trew Love, and you have to become True Love incarnated if you want to feel good calling yourself that."


Ohhhhkayy. I get it now.


I began compiling a list. "If True Love was a person, how would she treat her things? How would she treat her friends? How would she treat her time?"


I began to see where I wanted to go, which was followed by a long hard look at where I was.


I was no where close.


To this day, I still come back to that benchmark strategy. What would Love say? What would Love do? Which brings me to the real reason I write today.


*****


To paint the picture a little, imagine three generations, all living in one house. A nice house where all of us CAN be in separate rooms at the same time. (Thank God)


My mom, my dad, my older sister, my two nephews (7 & 9), me, and three cats.


The real challenge in this dynamic of inevitable chaos, is that my nephew is violent. He's mean, he's bossy, he kicks, he screams, he bites, he beats his brother up- last night while he was trying to sleep- and even attacks my sister. He calls everyone names. Including my dad (sick with cancer) "You Fucker". I'm the "Bitch" and everyone else is the enemy.


Our family is at a loss for what to do, and I do what I can to stay away from him most of the time. But recently, I find myself calling him names back. Not forcefully, but spitting his own energy back at him. It's not unreasonable to defend myself right? Or do I say, "He's a kid and you're the adult". How about "If True Love was a person, how would she treat her nephew?"


Not like that...


Maybe what I'm really having trouble with is letting go of that part of myself- the part that can say everything back to him with no remorse...and a sense of power. The power of righteousness, cleverness and superiority that so deeply satisfies my ego. The part of me that remembers that to a lesser degree, that's who I once was. (Or am I still?)


So am I love or not love?


If I am to call myself Trew Love, and be able to say that with any credibility, I must recognize that this is the next leg of my hero's journey. If I am to call myself Trew Love, I must learn to love ALL as myself, especially my nephew.


I shall turn to the Hawaiian wisdom of the ho'oponopono mantra.


I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.


You are a part of me.


I will do better.


Trew Love, sometimes Adrienne

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